i stare at you from the side,
my edge,
the silence behind the college isn't deafening
it is untroubled and I scamper
to hide behind it.
there is no urge to talk,
no small part
of attempt
to force
anything while
my throat is aching
to sing.
how must one speak
may I present you in loud screams
and a woman's diagnosis of crazy
and a sinner's fantasy that sings to you in the noise.
perhaps you can understand the madness in my head,
how do you want the story
of a girl who has to breathe through her mouth
at the sight of another one.
how do I whisper gently
when there's nothing
gentle about that one's
gait, arms, hair that
falls over forehead and
a body like mine
just skinnier.
or sometimes, bigger
or taller than ever
but always like mine?
What I cannot say
In the silence
I hope desperately, that you will understand
in my guttural cries to be heard and screams
of a voice that chewed itself.
What I cannot say
To a life in midst
I hope it is heard desperately,
like the wails of a Banshee who hears the crows
and the cloak of death approaching,
by her.
Mono 